I have many items to cover and only a short time to cover them. First, does Hamhocks really think that his sternum is just a few inches above his rectum or was he kidding? Personally, I'm not sure. I do know that Hammy was trying to bust Kurtis' chops bigtime by calling furtive movements "affirtive moments". Oh yeah, Hamhocks was in rare form that Saturday afternoon.  **  Counter-calls: We had some major foul calls, which were immediately followed by what Hamhocks labelled "counter-calls". There were very few, if any, foul calls made that weren't second-guessed and analyzed ad nauseum.  **  Sling-shot offense: Only Roberge could come up with an offense that is predicated on whipping yourself off of the pole holding the backboard up. The idea is to propel yourself, at a high rate of speed, onto the court and into the offense, by lauching your body from out of bounds. You have to see it to believe it. Only Robes could come up with this.  **  NC & Stigmata have departed to their respective destinations. Farewell and good luck fellow Blacktoppers.  **  The Assassin showed up, even with his hand wrapped up after surgery, to cheer on his fellow Blacktoppers. What can you say about a newlywed who takes the time to stop by while on the DL? This man, as mean and ornery as he is, exemplifies the meaning of Blacktopper.  **  Robes had an Amber Alert issued for him for most of the last Saturday that he bothered to show up. He then resorted to the above mentioned sling-shot offense, got into the groove, and the Amber was lifted before play ended for the day.  **  Stigmata then dissed Spec as "old" and basically said that Robes should start playing shuffleboard for exercise. Spec didn't take kindly to this at all. I was waiting for a soccer shootout, but Robes decided that a one-on-one, fullcourt basketball game, between him and Stigmata, would prove a point. Much to his credit, Stigmata, a 50-1 underdog as play began, hung tough and the game was tied at 8 when it happened. Stig called a controversial foul on Robes that Spec counter-called by whipping the ball into the deep backyard area. This development rattled Stigmata, as Robes stalked off of the court QUITTING. I was personally so upset that Robes would quit that I spiked a can off of Mr. deSilva's impeccible basketball court. Spec eventually came back to play, but Stigmata was never the same. Robes won by a score of 11-9 and then said that his quitting was only a ruse to de-psych Stigmata. Whatever the case, Stig was definitely rattled enough to lose the game.  **  Then, of course, there was a Black Ops operation.  Having been the victim of a Black Ops mission myself, I felt a little sympathy for this year's victim, Jeff "The Assassin" Gardner. Seems that Mr. Gardner decided to get hitched without our knowledge. An informant provided the Black Ops crew (who shall remain nameless) with this information and the mission was defined: locate, infiltrate and disrupt the proceedings in true Blacktop form. Last year's Black Ops mission included trespassing, malicious destruction of personal property, larceny of a motor vehicle, as well as numerous other felonies. This year's mission began with a search for the location of the nuptuals. Black Op operatives fanned out throughout South Dartmouth seeking information as to the location of The Assassin. At one point, The Assassin, through his connections, had the Padanaram Bridge opened in an effort to thwart the Black Op objective. Undeterred, the location was pinpointed by the Black Oppers and surveillance was set up. Black Op agents then infiltrated the proceedings which, without getting into particulars, led to an assault with a firearm and people running all over the place. Eventually, Mr. Gardner graciously invited the invaders into his home and provided the Black Oppers with liquid refreshments. A true Blacktopper, even when violated. Me, I'm still hoping Jose comes up with the criminal complaints from last year. I'm not nearly as gracious.  **  Well, that's a quick summary of some of the latest goings-on at the Blacktop. Now that my computer is working again, Stand-by.

           I happened to attend the Blacktop tonight (Wednesday, 9/1) for a short period, but long enough to witness something that I never thought I'd see. No, I'm talking about The King shedding his 'Amber" moniker by shooting a torrid 22 for 26 from the field while I was there. No, I'm not talking about 6 grown men mental enough to play a series 3 on 3 FULL COURT.  In fact, some things were normal and that included Stigmata playing erratically by hitting 2 or 3 tough shots in a row and then missing his next five shots by hoisting airballs up there. Jose rebounded, Hamhocks set picks, NC missed the game-winners per regular, but one thing was completely out of the ordinary, almost unbelieveable - and that was Norm "Hamhocks" deSilva declaring at the start of a game, "We can't win". Hamhocks' teammates for the series were Mark Gonsalves and NC deSilva. They were matched against Stigmata, The King (formerly "Amber") and Jose The MVP. Led by the 94% shooting of The King, Hamhocks' team was down in the series 3-0 in short order. Hamhocks uncharacteristically blamed his son, NC, for his team's malaise. Hammy complained that NC was killing his team and couldn't hit a game-winning shot. In one game, after the "We can't win" comment, NC hit 6 of the 7 points for his team in a victory. Hammy was unimpressed and steadfastly reiterated that NC could never hit a game-winning shot. With Hamhocks refusing to shoot or pass to his son, which obviously, in a 3 on 3 game limited Hamhocks' options, Hammy's team won 3 in a row to tie the series. Hamhocks, of course, still stuck by his "We can't win" mantra. Although being chowed down by mosquitos, I had to stay for the outcome of this series. Long story short, Hamhocks' team pulled out a spirited affair with NC hitting the game-winning point for the victory. Did Hamhocks apologize to his teammates, especially NC, for his earlier hurtful words? Is Steve Roberge a good basketball player? The answer is a resounding NO. Hamhocks may not always be right but, in his world, he's never wrong either, even when he's wrong. In fact, to compound things, Hamhocks held out while the other 5 players agreed to play another game. Hammy made all 5 players get down on their knees in front of him and literally beg him to play one more game. Jose, at age 68, still wanted to play so badly that, after kneeling at the feet of Hammy, it took 3 Blacktoppers to get his aged body back to its feet. I swear, you can't make this stuff up. By the way, The Assassin was not in attendance, due to the fact that he was aboard a flight back from Athens and the Olympic marathon competition.   

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