| AMBROSE SMITH DODGES SAW Although I wasn't there to witness it, I was told a story Saturday about the early morning exploits of the Blacktop's own Ambrose Smith. Apparently, from what I was told, Mr. Smith decided to do a little pruning on behalf of Hamhocks deSilva. While up on a ladder, high above courtside, trimming a treelimb with running chainsaw in hand, Ambrose took a wrong turn off of the ladder and quickly realized what gravity was all about. As he descended back towards earth with the running chainsaw still in hand, Ambrose had some decisions to make and a very short time in which to make them. Should he toss the saw, while falling, and attempt a drop and roll with is body? Possibly, fling the chainsaw in one direction and, hopefully, land on his feet, without breaking an ankle, in the other direction? No, Ambrose, short of intellect as he is, decided to hold onto the chainsaw and attempt to stick the landing like MaryLou Retton or Olga Korbut. Fortunately for Ambrose, and Hamhocks' homeowner's policy, Ambrose's decision turned out well, for the ever-nimble Mr. Smith not only didn't sever any of his extremeties but, more importantly, didn't spill any of the $1.91/gallon gasoline that Hamhocks had filled his saw with. No wonder Roberge is always trying to get Ambrose on his team at the Blacktop.
THUMBNAIL BIOGRAPHIES OF THE BOB CHAMPIONS
2004 BoB Champions Kurtis Gonsalves - This newlywed and in-training police officer copped (pun intended) his first BoB Championship back in August. Kurtis was actually one shot away from pulling out the 2003 BoB Championship, but the shot rolled off of the rim and the championship rolled away with it. This year, Kurt was not to be denied and became the 4th Gonsalves family member to be on a BoB Championship team at the deSilva residence. NC deSilva - The Loomis-Chaffee Pelican also won his first BoB Championship, in spite of near constant criticism from his father. In spite of the distractions of being told that he can't hit any game-winning shots or score when needed, NC won with his BoB teammates before leaving for Connecticut. Jose Gonsalves - Jose was also a first time winner of the BoB and did so in dramatic fashion. This 3rd or 4th Gonsalves BoB Champion (depending on how you're counting) pulled out all the stops in also winning the MVP of the BoB Tourney. What makes these accomplishments all the more extraordinary is, of course, the fact that Jose The MVP is 73-years old. Jose's also won awards off of the basketball court, as a police officer. He was awarded a commendation for his assist in capturing John Dillinger, along with a few FBI agents, and was again recognized for wounding Clyde, of the infamous Bonnie & Clyde Gang, during a shootout in a cornfield a few years after Jose became a trooper.
BoB Tournament Championship numbers (to the best of my recollection): Mark Gonsalves (2), Rick "J-Man" Jalbert (2), Kristin Gonsalves (1), Nate Gagnier (1), Jose "The MVP" Gonsalves (1), NC deSilva (1), Kurtis Gonsalves (1), Norm "Hamhocks" deSilva (1), Paulo DaSilva (the original one) (1), Steve "Spec" Roberge (1). NOTE: Lenny Grandfield would have probably had two championships under his belt had a) Spec called a foul when he should have. b) Robes used some common sense when drafting a 3rd teammate for his own team. Oh well, as you can see, I'm not the least bit bitter towards Robes over the fact that my name isn't on the BoB Trophy.
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ROBERGE LIVES - BUT WHAT ABOUT AMBROSE?
The infamous Steve Roberge, in true Blacktop form, showed up at deSilva's Wednesday night to castigate his brother Blacktoppers. Robes, unable to play due to a sore knee incurred while bike riding at Killington, hurled sarcastic remarks at the six ironmen who actually played that night (Jose The MVP, Mark, J-Man, Bob, Dr. Brian and Lenny). Spec was relentless in his attack on everything from the way people were playing to the way they were dressed. I think Robes felt that he had to pick up the slack for Hamhocks, who wasn't there due to having to work. Spec seemed to single out Dr. Brian for many of his scathing remarks and the Doc didn't seem to appreciate some of Robes' best one-liners that were directed at him. Of course, Robes sucked down one of Hammy's beers while ridiculing us and, after having badmouthed us for quite a while, decided to leave. I appealed to Robes to have just one of Hammy's beverages of an alcoholic nature with me and, to my amazement (and in true Blacktop form once again), he agreed to stick around. Then, believe it or not, Spec was cajoled into making a pizza run for the famished players. Talk about a kinder and gentler Steve Roberge. During the devouring of the pizza, many questions were raised: Whatever happened to Ambrose "Chainsaw" Smith? Is he still alive or what? How is Billy Eccles making out and how can we get ahold of him to wish him well? Does Dr. Brian really think that Rick Jalbert is a GREAT shooter? If so, who was the better shooter - Jerry West, Oscar Robertson, Rick Barry or Rick "J-Man" Jalbert? Does The Assassin really have some Middle Eastern blood in him? Who writes The Assassin's Guestbook Page material? Is Jose The MVP older than Jimmy Carter? Does Lenny consciously cheat on the score? Has Stigmata become an agent of the former KGB yet? How many hours can Mark smell up a bathroom for? Who would you rather have carnal knowledge of - Barbara Bush, Theresa Heinz Kerry, Laura Bush or that well-known inflatible doll? These are some of the questions that were pondered by the Wednesday night Blacktoppers on Hamhocks' back porch. Too bad Hammy was stuck at work. There's no question that he would have had some strong opinions as to each of the above mentioned questions.
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